Coming Undone
by midnightfarie
Summary: Quinn realizes it is time to stop lying to herself as well as others, it's time for a long overdue apology.


**So I haven't done any writing in ages, for which I apologize to my wonderful readers. A combination of writers block and college I just haven't been able to get anything else. This story was bouncing around in my brain so I just had to get it out.**

**I don't own Glee, or Taylor Swift... I just wish I did ;)**

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"You look beautiful." Sam whispered, his forehead resting gently against my own attempting to help sooth my nerves before we took stage for sectionals. I smile, it felt good to be adored, I couldn't deny that, but the feeling was also hollow… shallow. It was nice, but on the rare occasions when I was honest with myself I had to admit that it wasn't real. His words didn't make me feel, not really, they just made the emptiness in my chest a little less consuming.

Last year had been the best and worst of my life. I made choices I never thought I would. I was an idiot. I hurt everyone I cared about, but I also learned a lot. I changed, as my stomach grew and everything I had held dear slipped away from me, I changed. I found people who liked me for me, not because I was the "it" girl, but because I was Quinn Fabray, ex-head cheerleader and royal screw up. But the year came to an end and so did my pregnancy. The proof of my humiliating and life altering mistake was swept away to be someone else's blessing. I thought I would be happy… I thought everything could go back to normal… I thought wrong.

Sure I'm the head cheerleader again, and I'm dating one of the most popular guys in school, I am back on top where I was always supposed to be. But that doesn't undo the past, I hurt a lot of people, one more so than the rest. I had hoped life could go back to normal; it took me a while to realize there is no going back to anything. I have to move forward… As hard as that may be.

On Monday morning following sectionals, I stepped into the show choir room. I was a couple minutes late and everyone else was already seated. Quietly I walked over to Mr. Schue, I placed a hand on his arm and guided him a little farther away from my classmates so we wouldn't be over heard. He looked at me slightly confused, I wasn't one to be soft spoken. I expressed myself openly and I didn't care who heard.

"Mr. Schue," I began nervously, "You know how you always tell us if we're having trouble expressing our feelings, we should try singing them."

"Of course." Mr. Schue replied with a smile that I found encouraging.

"Well, there's something I need to say, and I was wondering if I could share a song with the class today."

"That would be perfect Quinn." Mr. Schue said happily. "How do you feel about starting us off?"

I nodded nervously. He took a seat off to the side and I stepped up in front of the rest of Glee Club. Sam smiled at me and I quickly looked away. My eyes met someone else's, Finn Hudson, the person I had hurt most of all.

"I've been trying to find the words to express something for a long time… I finally realized that it was time for me to step up and sing it."

I nodded back at the pianist and the soft music began to play.

"I'm so glad you made time to see me how's life? Tell me, how's your family? I haven't seen them in a while. You've been good, busier than ever, we small talk, work and the weather. Your guard is up, and I know why."

My voice caught in my throat for a moment, my eyes pled with Finn to hear me… to understand the words I had to share with him.

"These days, I haven't been sleeping. Staying up, playing back myself leaving, when your birthday passed, and I didn't call. Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times I watched you laughing from the passenger side and realized I loved you in the fall."

My hand traveled to my stomach, once again flat… no life growing within it. I looked down and the floor, trying to blink away tears, one of which escaped and slid down my cheek.

"And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind. You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye."

My thoughts traveled to Beth… the beautiful little girl that I hadn't even let myself hold before I gave her away.

"So this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night, and I go back to December all the time."

I glanced back up at Finn… His eyes were red and his face was white.

"It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine. I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind, I go back to December all the time. Maybe this is wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming, but if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right. I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't, so if the chain is on your door, I understand."

Sam's face caught my eyes, he looked confused and maybe a little hurt. I looked away quickly. I was so ashamed, in my attempt to right my past wrongs I was only succeeding in hurting someone else.

"This is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night, and I go back to December turn around and change my own mind. I go back to December all the time."

The music drifted off, Mr. Schue stood up applauding me vigorously. Everyone else just looked stunned. Wordlessly I took a seat beside Sam, nervously I glanced over at him but he was avoiding my look, staring at the ground. I couldn't blame him… I basically admitted to still being in love with my ex in front of the whole glee club. Yes… nothing was ever going to be normal again.

After class ended, I wandered into the auditorium; I sat on the edge of the stage and stared out at the sea of empty chairs. I thought about the pain I had caused Finn… I didn't know why I did it, any of it. I slept with his best friend because I got drunk and felt fat. I convinced him that the baby was his, only to let everything he believed be yanked from under his feet. He loved me and I broke him because of it.

"Quinn?" A deep voice said gently from behind me. I looked back to see Finn standing there awkwardly as though he wasn't sure whether or not he should have come.

"Hey…" I whispered, not knowing what else to say.

"Just be quite for a minute… I need you to listen to me." Finn said awkwardly, I nodded.

Finn cleared his throat and began singing.

"Hold on baby, you're losing it. The water's high, you're jumping into it, and letting go and no one knows that you cry but you don't tell anyone. That you might not be the golden one and you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone"

I looked up at him and bit my lip nervously.

"You're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone. Goodbye, baby, with a smile, baby, baby."

Finn sat down beside me, taking my hand into his own.

"I care about you Quinn." He whispered squeezing my hand. "And I even understand why you did what you did… but I don't know how to forgive you for it."

"Finn…" I started.

"Please just listen." He said cutting me off. "I don't know how to forgive you, but I want to. I loved you Quinn, I still do. And I wish more than anything that we could go back… I wish Beth was mine, and I wish you had kept her, but none of that is ever going to happen."

"Because we can't go back." I whispered. He nodded sadly.

I leaned over and lightly pressed my lips to his cheek, which was slightly scratchy. He smelled like old spice and it made me feel warm all over.

"Can we go forward?" I asked, my lips brushing against his cheek as I spoke.

His face turned and we were forehead to forehead, disturbingly reminiscent of my moment with Sam a couple of days ago at sectionals.

"I don't know Quinn." He whispered, his breath warming my lips. "I just broke up with Rachel, you're with Sam. The timing just wrong…"

"Maybe the timing is wrong, but we're not." I whispered. I felt his hand snake around my waist and slid me closer to him. His slightly chapped lips brushed against mine and he pulled away, gazing intensely into my eyes.

"Can we just be in love again?" He asked and I laughed as the tears slid down my cheeks.

"I never stopped." I admitted and I smiled as he pulled me into another kiss.

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**Please Review!**

**Midnightfarie**


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